A spokes-elf for the North Pole has confirmed that Santa will once again make his customary Christmas Eve journey, delivering presents to good children across the globe. Rumours had begun to swirl that Christmas might be in jeopardy after an unusual spike in activity was detected in Santa’s private den. Head Elves from every department were summoned to emergency meetings, and an insider, speaking under strict anonymity, hinted that something significant was happening.
According to this source, Elliot Grimshaw, the billionaire mogul behind the world’s largest online retailer, had allegedly set his sights on undermining Santa by offering toys and electronics at extremely low prices under the provocative tagline: “Why wait ’til Christmas?” Instant gratification has become a modern scourge, affecting children and adults alike. Santa’s leadership team feared that Grimshaw was attempting to invade Santa’s domain for profit. But when the elves ran the numbers, the situation appeared even stranger. Grimshaw was selling below cost and losing enormous amounts of money.
Santa and his advisors were baffled. What could possibly motivate such a self-sabotaging campaign?
Seeking answers, Santa turned to the Head of Letters, whose vast archive at the edge of Santa’s Village contains every letter ever written to him. She was instructed to compile a full profile of Elliot’s childhood correspondence. Most children write faithfully each year until adolescence. Elliot’s pattern was slightly unusual: he wrote consistently from ages 3 to 10, skipped one year, and then sent a final letter at age 12.
It was that last letter that provided the breakthrough.
In it, a distraught young Elliot demanded to know why Santa had delivered an iPad, AirPods, and a year-long subscription to Disney+ when his letter had clearly requested a drum kit. He accused Santa of hating him, declared that he hated Santa “a hundred times more,” and insisted that Santa never bring him anything again.
After an exhaustive search, the Head of Letters confirmed that no such letter requesting a drum kit had ever reached the North Pole. With every incoming letter catalogued and counter-stamped, it was impossible for it to have been lost. The logs showed no missing entries.
The sad truth lay far from the North Pole. Unbeknownst to Santa, Elliot’s parents, both successful but extremely noise-averse financial advisors, had read their son’s earnest request. Fearing for the serenity of their immaculate beige mansion, they burned the letter and replaced it with electronic gifts, along with a fake note from Santa claiming that drums were too disruptive and that the new gift was perfect for a sensible boy.
Armed with these revelations, Santa visited Elliot at his pristine corner-office penthouse. The mogul was stunned, still believing Santa disliked him. Santa placed two vintage drumsticks on Elliot’s desk and said, “I am so sorry, Elliot. I never received your letter asking for a drum set.” He explained that he had often wondered why Elliot stopped writing and regretted letting the years drift by.
For the first time in decades, Elliot let down his guard. He admitted he had been heartbroken as a child and had long suspected his parents had meddled.
When Santa left, Elliot promised to make amends. True to his word, Grimshaw changed his company’s tagline to: “Christmas! Worth Waiting For.” He launched a campaign encouraging families to disconnect from screens and rediscover the joy and anticipation that make Christmas magical.
Christmas is not only back on track, it may be brighter than ever.
